Another Hospitalization for 2015

I haven't written this month, like I promised I would--and I'm sorry about that.

Honestly this month, it's been one thing after another.

Remember how I told you that I would have these days where I'd stand or walk and then I'd see all black?

Well that's what started happening again Halloween weekend. I honestly wore myself out from Halloween--and the stress of getting the kids' costumes ready--so much so, that the next day I was too sore and weak to get out of bed.

All of these fatigue and vision problems fell right before this random Monday where I had to watch the kids alone. Perfect timing, right?

 I was really scared to keep the boys all alone all day with how I felt.

That day, I'd stand up to get something for the kids and I would black out and desperately reach out for the nearest sturdy object so I wouldn't pass out or fall.

Besides the vision issues, I couldn't walk a straight line to save my life. My balance was completely off that when I would try to walk one direction, my body would go in another.

Now these things have happened off and on for a while. But this particular symptom--didn't happen until Monday, Nov. 2--the day I was alone with kids. I starting hearing my heartbeat in my ears.

I spoke to the doctor's office and they said come in immediately, or if it kept happening I'd need to call 911. The problem was I had the kids.

Klay was nearly two hours away working. And all my immediate caregivers happened to be tied up (vacations, picking up kids from school, etc).

Klay made it home about 4 p.m. and we needed to get to the hospital and fast. We arrived at my doctor's office who were waiting for me, because my doctor wanted to check on me personally.

They thought I was having some vertigo issues (where you sit and your BP is fine and then you stand and it drops) making the room spin or get dizzy, which I did have some of.

I'd already had CT scan of both my brain and sinuses the week prior, but they definitely wanted me to stay to do some more testing.

So I was in the hospital the first week of November, and the MRI revealed that my sinuses were terribly blocked and full.

Apparently there was a lot of gunk stuck up there that needed to be sucked out. And if you're grossed out by that sentence, at least you didn't have to have the sinus surgery to remove it. Yes, I said sinus surgery.

I was in pretty bad pain after the surgery. I was hurting so bad and they couldn't keep me comfortable. I had a bitch  rude recovery nurse, who would just ignore me when I spoke or tried to ask questions. I was in recovery for nearly two hours, and I was not happy about it.

Then, they moved my bed out by the nurses' station and I was trying to wave or get my nurse's attention--who was apparently done with me--and then a nurse saw I was about to yak and she handed me a nice blue barf bag. I'd swallowed a lot of blood because of the type of surgery, so you can imagine what was in the bag. Scariest thing ever. Am I dying over here? Scary movie-type shit. 

With me every moment...

Laughable Hospital Moments

That Familiar Place...

When I was first admitted, I was wheeled up to the floor I was going to live, I mean stay in, for however long. It was an oncology floor, of course, so I expected to know a lot of the nurses.

All of the nurses were waving to me as I get wheeled to my room seemingly happy to see me. I waved back as I'm pushed in the wheelchair to my room like a pageant girl in a parade--unknowingly of where I was going. I was focusing on the attention clearly.

Then I hear the nurses holler "aww, you get your old room back!" Yes, the one I stayed in for more than a month.

OMG, I never wanted to see that room again. I'd done my time in that prison. But that's just my luck.

Noticing Things I Should Have Noticed Before

After having stayed in the room for 30+ days in April and staring at the walls of the room for hours on-end, you'd think I would have noticed "it" before. The portrait was there, I remembered starting at it; this I know.

I bet I looked that painting more than a million times, yet I never seemed to notice the penis rock on the left-side of it.

Yeah it's that big rock that looks like a penis. I'm determined the artist did that purposefully or maybe this place really exists. If so, I'm visiting!

I self-titled this portrait, "This Penis Rocks."

My revelation was a hit with the nurses.

When I Thought I Saw...

I was wheeled down to get a MRI, when I see the MRI Tech guy. I'm asking myself 'who does this guy look like?' He was adorable. I finally realized he looked exactly like Morgan (Lenny James) from "The Walking Dead."

I arrived back at my room and squealed to Klay with excitement "guess who I just saw?"

He replied, "Who?"

"Lenny James!" I hollered.

"WHO?" Klay said to me with an I've-never-heard-that-name-in-my-life look.

"Morgan!"

He stared at me.

"Morgan from 'The Walking Dead'. You know that show we watch every Sunday and yesterday's episode was all about him?"

"Ohhhh. That's cool. He's here?"

"No it was a guy that looked exactly like him though."

END SCENE

I guess it's the littlest things that excite you in a hospital.

==

I spent a total of five days in the hospital, but my readers weren't far from my mind.

Y'all, I have eight posts written and saved in my drafts folder that aren't finished yet or need some major editing.

It doesn't help that I need glasses and I'm on drugs--pharmaceutical ones--so literally I've fallen asleep typing--totally face to key board.

I'm trying to get posts out as often as I can without looking like a complete fool, which means I won't publish it unless I think someone else may want to read it.

Since my brain is so clogged up, please feel free to message me or comment and let me know I missed a word, wrote it twice, etc. I need you little editors to help me out there! #writerswithcancerstruggles

Let's just pray that I get through these holiday months with no more hospital stays!

How To Pick Out A Last-Minute DIY Halloween Costume

I've never been to a halloween costume party--like never.

October is always a busy time of the year since it kicks off three of the biggest fall holidays of the year, and it's my birthday month.

With everything that's happened since my Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) diagnosis I figured I throw my very own halloween costume party.

If you've ever seen our parties we throw for wedding showers, baby showers, or our kids birthday parties, we have a tendency to go overboard. We don't really like to buy store bought decorations, because we want everything to look different and be unique. And that goes for our costumes as well. We usually make our own costumes.

Last-Minute DIY Costume

So, I started googling and thinking of DIY costume ideas for couples weeks before the party. I wanted to be something "kind of pretty" because I never feel pretty any more. Even though I wanted to be a "pretty"halloween costume, I wasn't going for a "Mean Girls" type costume where I where lingerie, put on mouse ears, so I can look like a slut muffin.

via GIPHY

Gretchen: "What are you supposed to be?"

Karen: "I'm a mouse, duh!"

via GIPHY

Not that there is anything wrong with a "sexy halloween costume," it's just that's not me, especially when my legs like frail, pale and I have no ass or boobs any more.

OK, so back to Halloween costume decisions. I went to Spirit Halloween Store to try to get some ideas, but didn't get much. I even checked out Party City, but now we knew what was out there in case we needed to purchase something for one of our costumes.

Couple Costume or DIY Single Costume? 

AHH, decisions, decisions. Originally I wanted to go with a couple's costume, but it needed to be something new, fresh and something I could make myself. I've seen the soap and the loofa sponge, salt and pepper, etc. I wanted a unique halloween costume that would be easy to make.

I wasn't too sure how much Klay would want to dress up. I figured he wouldn't want to make up and anything too difficult. So for him, I was thinking about easy, creative and simple halloween costumes.

By this point I'd been looking for weeks. I had one idea that really stood out for me that I wanted to do, but he didn't seem like he wanted to participate, so I said "I'll just do it myself."

But now we are down to the week of my party. It's Wednesday (the party is Saturday) and we are still clueless on which costume idea we wanted to go with and if we were doing something separate or as a couple.

My blood pressure was rising because it's my party and I haven't started making a costume for it. All I wanted Klay to do is decide if he wanted to do a couple's costume or create something funny and just go as something separate. But still no decision.

Last EFFIN' Minute DIY Costume Idea

It's now Thursday and I'd purchased some items to create a costume by myself. Klay on the other hand bought a Game of Thrones Jon Snow costume with a wig and it looked hilarious. The only thing was Jon doesn't have a girlfriend or anything we could do as a pair and people probably wouldn't know who we are. Klay looked hilarious in the Game of Thrones costume so I didn't think it would matter; people would just laugh at him anyway.

Once Klay put the costume on for my mom, she cracked up and told me I need to be something that goes along with his character. Mind you, it's Thursday night--the party is Saturday--and I still haven't started on my costume. Finally it hit me. Jon Snow has a wolf that protects him, named Ghost. He's all white, so I said I could be Ghost!

Making the Costume

The next day (Friday), mom went searching for all things white and furry.

This is what the costume consisted of:

• silver leggings
• furry booties from Party City
• a furry vest from Cato's
• the furry ears I got were from Party City, they actually had plaid on the other side so I used the back as the front
• a furry white and black pillowcase and cut the other side that was sewn and I slid it on as a skirt (from Hobby Lobby).
• fuzzy white socks we already had that I cute to go over my hands.
• furry hat that we made into a tail
• teeth purchased Party City
• Plus a white cape from Target and a few other things we didn't use
• Klay purchased his cloak and "Game of Throne" wig from Spirit Halloween

Here are some photos of us figuring out what looks best (sorry for the blurry one. And doesn't it look like Klay was enjoying putting my costume on a little too much?:

Here's the finished look:

Klay just wore a black t-shirt he had already and black pants w/ flipflops underneath his cape.

ADD IN THE AWESOME WOLF MAKE UP MY MOM AND SISTER DID & WE LOOK PRETTY GOOD FOR OUR FIRST DIY HALLOWEEN COSTUME!

How To Think Of Clever And Simple Ideas For Last-Minute Costumes

The way I see it; the best ideas for halloween costumes come from the things you love. 

Think about things you love to do, you love to watch, commercials that catch your attention, something big that happened in the news/pop culture this year or puns you hear people say.

The World's Easiest Costume Could Come From A Clever Saying Or A Common Pun: 

Example: We've all heard someone say "when life gives you lemons..." But how can that be a costume? Get a plain t-shirt write the word "LIFE" on it or get one of those stickers that says "Hello My Name is: LIFE"  and walk around the party giving people lemons--you're surely guaranteed to have the most unique halloween costume there and the cheapest.

TV Shows, Movies and Commercials You Love: 

Klay and I love "Sons of Anarchy," "Breaking Bad," and "Game of Thrones." Originally we thought about being Jesse and Walt from "Breaking Bad" and wear yellow hazmat suits or Klay could be "Heisenberg" and I could be crystal meth by making a shiny blue costume. It probably would of been a quick costume, but I wanted to be "pretty-ish".

Be Something You Love To Do: 

If you love to golf, your DIY halloween costume could be a golf ball. But you're not going alone? Make the costume for a couple by having the other person dress up as a hole in one. Make it homemade by creating a number one from a cardboard box or poster board and cutting a hole in it. Your costume would  definitely be creative and easy to do yourself.

Think Simple To Get The Clever Costume Ideas:

You could be a squirrel and his nuts or Taco Bell (one person be a taco and the other be Belle from "Beauty and the Beast.") Too tough? Or don't have time? Be a bread winner. Place bread around your neck like a necklace and purchase a blue ribbon that says 1st Place. Be a spice rack. Put a bra outside of your shirt and put cooking spices in it.

Use A Commercial You Love For A Unique Costume Ideas:

Two more DIY Couple Costume Ideas could come from a TV commercial that gets your attention. I've heard many men mention "the hot model" and her talking horse from Direct TV's or make your man The Most Interesting Man in the World and you could be a a DOS XX's. Of course you could be Flo from Progressive or Jake from State Farm! Make sure to wear khakis!

Creative Pop Culture Costumes Ideas:

Tom Brady and a deflated football (I'd get an old football deflated it and some how where it as a hat...) or Tom Brady and his broken cell phone. Not a football fan? Try Hillary Clinton and her classified emails, or Caitlynn Jenner and Bruce Jenner (they actually have costumes for these at Spirit Halloween, but you could definitely DIY.

So do you have any halloween costume parties to go to this year? If so, what are you going to be?

Wishing everyone less stress when choosing a DIY halloween costume!

Why I Decided To Blog For A Living

Life Was Put On Hold

When I moved back from Alaska, my life was put on hold. I was still working for the University of Alaska Anchorage (UAA) from afar, but it was only for another six months or so. Then, I got pregnant and my search for a job in Dallas ceased because we needed to find a house (we were living with my parents). After two years of being a stay-at-home mom, I wanted to work again. I'd worked for UAA a few more times after I had Brody, but they were temporary jobs. Then, I started looking for work and sending out resumes, and I found out I was pregnant with Bex.

My life kept getting put on hold, which meant my dreams were put on hold. I always thought I would have a job of my dreams (doing what? I don't know...), but I thought I'd get to a happy career-place. I'm a mom now, who is 28, and I haven't worked full-time since 2012ish.

So I'm ready learn and put my knowledge to use on this blog to hopefully make a profit. Here are some reasons why...

THE KIDS

Bex is on the move now, so he is the most difficult child to put a diaper on. He just flips over and starts crawling away and if I don't catch him fast enough he just pees on the floor. He's been crawling for nearly two months and he's pulling himself up in his crib and by the couch, so now I have him getting into EVERYTHING.

If I could only figure out why babies love to get into dog bowls all the time... or a solution besides having to put them up (cause then we forget to feed our poor dogs). SIGH...

Now I'm moving my decor around because he can reach breakable things and whatnot. I'm trying to "baby proof" my house.

But he is a little chunk. He loves to eat. He tries to steal whatever we're eating. He has four teeth now and more coming. His teeth bother him more than Brody's ever did.

And we are still potty training Brody. I know it sounds bad, but with me in the hospital so many times this year, he hasn't had consistency when it comes to his "training". I've been really working with him the past month. And for the most part he does good, but today was just a bad, terrible, awful. He peed his pants three times. And no to Adam Sandler in Billy Madison "it's not cool to pee your pants!"

If you don't live in Texas we are getting some major rain down here, which scares Billie. So I'm pretty sure he's pissed in a few places around the house, plus Brody peeing in his pants, and with Bex crawling around and peeing, my house smells like piss. At least, I feel like it does. Everyone is peeing everywhere. And I'm going crazy because of it.

Mentally, I need some time away from the kids to do something and have some sort of structure and routine to our daily lives.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT BESIDES CANCER CRAP

Medically I'm doing mostly OK. I've had to get several infusions because I've been low on magnesium, potassium or just need fluids in general. That means my doctor appointments are long. And I'm going mostly just once a week, but I've had to go a couple times a week depending on how my bloodwork looks. But I'm still in remission for the AML, but I could do some blog work up there due to how much time I spend up there a week.

For those of you who want to know about me medically, I'm going back on Nexavar--the oral pills that cost like $14K. The last time I was on them I got a really bad rash that just wouldn't go away.

Don't worry; the cancer didn't come back or anything, that's not why I'm going back on them. They are using the medication as maintenance. I have a bad mutation that is aggressive as hell and notorious for coming back called FLT3, and this medication targets that mutation. They want me to stay on it for a year for precautionary purposes. Doc said maybe even stay on it for two years from my transplant date which was in April depending on how I handle it. One to two years!? WTF. I hope that changes, but I'll do what the doc wants cause he knows his shit, by shit I mean leukemia.
Now tell me if this isn't crazy... Apparently, they are going to experiment with me (I'll be the first EVERRRRRRR) to try and see if we can desensitize myself from the side effects of the drug. So, for a few days I'll have to take a quarter of a pill for one day, and then start to slowly increase in the coming days.

I'm pretty nervous for that. I was actually suppose to start this weekend, but then I didn't buy a pill cutter till yesterday, and I wasn't about to try to cut pills that cost like several hundred dollars each and them break into a thousand pieces. So, I'm holding it off till next week on that.

But thinking about all this cancer stuff every week becomes exhausting and I need an outlet where I can talk about some new, regular things in my life. That doesn't mean I will stop telling my stories about how I feel about having AML and what not, I just need to talk about more things.

TURNING 28...

I recently had a birthday and turned the big 2-8! So I had a party because I thought I deserved one after all that has happened over the past year (more to come on that later). Another year older, another year to celebrate life. This also motivated in really making my job my blog--and a dream come true.

GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT BLOGGING TO MAKE MONEY

This is a really BIG DEAL for me.
I've decided to really focus on my blog and try to take it to the next level. And of course, you, my readers are big part of helping make me more successful.

I know what you're thinking, "you always say you will post more, Cass and never do."
But I'm really going to put more effort into this blog.

I'm tired of just having my weeks consist of doctor appointments and taking care of kids. I really need to do something for myself. I'm going crazy all the time at the house. And I'm not at full strength so I still need help with cleaning, cooking and the kids. I get way too tired too easy and that stresses me out. Blogging makes me happy, less anxious and I can make money from home. Plus, it's fun!

One of my favorite bloggers, Helene In Between, wrote a post the other day that spoke to me, entitled "Do You Know How To Figure Out What You're Good AT?" Go read it. It's an amazing post.

Like me, she also has a communications degree, and when she was growing up she didn't know what she wanted to "be" either. There are so many people who knew early on they dreamed of being a nurse, doctor, lawyer, accountant or engineer. I, on the other hand, had no clue what my talents were. What was I good at? What am I good at? What do I enjoy?

I knew I liked to talk. I loved to dance. I like to read. I love watching new TV shows and I adore animals. And eventually, in college, I figured out I loved to write.

And that's how Helene felt too. She never felt like she was good at any one thing until she started to blog. And she thought she had to find a niche to talk about. I was like that when I first started blogging too.

I blogged about our 17-day road trip from Alaska through Canada and down the west coast. Then, I blogged about being a first-time mom. Now, my blog seems to be more about cancer or battling acute myeloid leukemia than anything. But I know now, I don't need a niche. I'm interested in lots of different things, so I want to talk about lots of different things with my followers and make some money while I'm at it.

After six years working for various companies, Helene decided to go and blog full-time, meaning blogging is now her job--her income.

I really want to contribute monetarily to this family, so I took an "Quit Your Job to Blog" e-course designed by Helene to learn more about gaining followers, social media, seo, how to make money, etc.

And boy, oh boy, did she put some work into that course.

It's loaded with information and well worth the money. I have pages and pages of notes from her videos, plus worksheets and invaluable resources (that I never heard of until her course) to help me grow my blog, my audience and even make some money along the way.  If you're a blogger, I encourage you to take the Helene's e-course .

Don't worry guys; it's not going to change my writing in anyway. And I'll be working my butt off. Blogging is hard work; there is so much you need to do for each post so it takes a lot of time.

But I will be the same ole crazy, quirky, OMG-did-she-really-just-say-that-Cass because that's who I am. And that's how I write. I'll still tell it like it is and that's not going to ever change.

But I don't want this blog to be all about my journey battling acute myeloid leukemia. Of course if I can help someone talk by creating a cancer support group on Facebook or something, I will totally do so.

But for me, I have to talk about other topics too. The cancer stuff can be a little heavy for me at times and sometimes I just want to feel normal and forget about that part of my life.

Now, I'm asking you guys for your help.

I'd like for you to take a survey and answer a few questions for me about my blog and what keeps you coming back.

I have two surveys I'd like for you to take. They are very brief and multiple choice so it should take you no time at all, plus it would help me out greatly.

1. The first is about Demographics. I just want to gaining knowledge about My Readers/Followers. Please take this survey first.
2. The second survey is all about my posts and what you like and don't like... Please take my survey about my blog posts here.

Thanks for being so amazing you guys! And I appreciate your support as I start this venture!