The POST That Goes Nowhere

I have no clue what I should talk about today.

I'd like to think I'm a creative person, but there are times when "writer's block" gets the best of me and I can't think of one thoughtful or funny thing to say.

And then I start comparing my posts to my hilarious (and high-trafficking posts)... And question if I'm really cut out for the blogosphere.

I read other blogs in awe of their commitment and consistency and I'm constantly amazed at their awesomeness and how they comically convey their stories and ideas.

I only hope one day as successful and gifted as they are.

As soon as I start pounding away on the keyboard trying to write my latest post, my inner NEGATIVE NANCY voice gets all shout-y.

"This post BLOWS," she says. She reminds me of a high school softball coach that would constantly bark at me to "drop the trailer" when I ran because I was remarkably slower than a grandma in 5-inch heels. #truestory

And I continuously doubt my ability to do continue doing what I'm doing as I epically fail to think of something incredibly fascinating and remotely funny to write.

Will I ever beat the "The Color Purple" post? Ehhh I don't know if it's possible.

I guess I could talk about the time that I had a panic attack on the top of a hill in Alaska the first--and only--time I ever went skiing, which is a remarkably dumb idea for "fun"by the way. WHO THE EFF wants to go up a mountain and ski down and go BACK up and then down again? I honestly don't get it. It's so repetitive and a lot of damn work if you ask me. I KNOW, you didn't ask me, BUT, next time anyone invites me to ski, I'll happily be sitting at the bottom of the mountain drinking wine and laughing at you dumb asses who are out in the cold, tumbling down a hill as you swerve to miss the four-year old kid who is a million times better than you btw. Meanwhile, you get a face full of snow and will be sore as shit the next day and can barely walk while that lil kid is back at it again. Just sayin'. When it comes to skiing, I'll stick to the Wii version.

But snow tubing? I could dig that. Less work and you SIT and cruise down a hill. Sure it's not a workout, but at least you're not dodging people left and right on the way down.

Or I could talk about the time I walked into a pole at the mall and everyone stopped and stared. "Did she really run into a pole?" they laughed and pointed. What was I doing? Freaking walking and talking. And, clearly when I talk I don't watch where I'm going because I hit that pole like a baby stripper.

Or the time I ran over a deer head in the middle of the road in my Volkswagen Bug and started hyperventilating because I was pretty sure it totaled my car or I possibly ran over a person instead of a deer like some "I Know What You Did Last Summer" shit. Luckily neither were the case and I never had some psycho killer come stalk me after I bounced over the deer head. BUT I did almost total my car during my panic attack. #countryproblems

Alas, none of those stories seem incredibly interesting to go in-depth about today.

The thing is I've come to realize every post isn't about beating the next post or making it bigger and better. Of course, I strive to make every post amaze balls but realistically that shit is not always going to happen. I get that.

I want to grow my blog and make the content so good people come back for more like it's cheesecake.

I've learned that people choose to follow me because I have half-ass decent content--or they want to win money from a giveaway I participate in--but hey I'm cool with it. I do it too.

The more likes, follows, shares and comments on my blog makes me want to continue on this journey in the world o' blogging. So thank you for following my blog, whether it be from trying to win free money or finding me on your own or being a loyal friend of mine and following me to show your affinity for me ;)

So since this post is serving no purpose whatsoever than a place for me to vent about my writer's block/blogging idea post frustration... I figured I'd link up with Whitney over at "I Wore Yoga Pants to Work" because she's freaking the best.

Seriously. She is.

To kick off the weekend you've all been waiting for, here I am participating in "Back That Azz Up Friday," which basically means I'm sharing a song to kick off this weekend off right.

Of course, I chose one of the songs that always gets me in the mood--the dancin' mood, that is.

Happy Friday y'all!

What song(s) are you obsessed with?

Three-Day Weekend Blues

I know it was a three-day weekend for most of you business folks.

You probably spent the weekend basking in the three-day weekend glory like this guy.

And today, now that you're holiday weekend is over, you may feel like this at work today.

It's hard to get your mind wrapped back around the idea of working. Trust me, I've been there. I know how hard it is.

 And everyone has talked and shared on social media about how they spent their Memorial Day weekend.

Lots of you had cookouts with your friends.

Lots of you went swimming and hung out around a pool.

Lots of you were at the lake and on a boat.

All of you drank. Well, most of you did.

I didn't do any of those things.

Well, I kinda cooked out with my sister, but other than that, I didn't get in a pool or on a boat and probably should have a bottle or two o' wine, but didn't manage to get my hands on any.

Klay and I spent the weekend attempting to get some house projects finished, which didn't happen. They are still sitting there with a capital "I" next to them like school when you got an "incomplete."

Interestingly enough, our Memorial Weekend wasn't that interesting. We hung, we ate, we chilled. That about sums it up.

In other news since you are probably reading this at work, you're a naughty naughty beast. #yolo

I kid. But I figured since many of you are spending your days wasting away in a grey cubicle, I'd send you a few things that will brighten your day.

Don't worry. Here are some things on this list you can use and download, and others, well it's just for humor purposes only.

Go on a walk during lunch. The fresh air could do you some good. And stay off your phone while you're at it. Enjoy your time away from technology and take a breather. Unless of course, you're reading this blog. ;) Just be glad you don't have to watch for zombies.

Don't panic. It's a short work week. By the time you've read this post, you only have two more days til the weekend. And you can drink or hang out with your dogs or drink and hang out with your dogs. Whatever suits you. 

I mean things could be worse. You could have this guy for your boss.

Be glad you're not the person who created this disturbing, useless office item. No, it's not a USB. But when you hook it up to your USB port, the dog comes to life to simulate "humping," as if it's hunching your computer. I'll pass.

OK. This one is for real.

Organize your desktop with style. Rekita over at Her and Nicole has some amazing, free options to make your office computer-background look profesh and clean in seconds. I love this one and downloaded it for my computer because my desktop needed some major organizing. PS. You should follow her while you head over to visit her. I recently became obsessed with her blog. She's incredible and super sweet. And her designs are the bee's knees.

Hope you guys have an amazing work week! Or what's left of it. 

How do you make your days better at the office?

Painting + Drinking

For Mother's Day, me and my sis went in on a gift for my mom that I thought was pretty freakin' awesome. I would have shared it with you guys in my Mother's Day Gift Ideas post, but since my mom reads all my posts, it wouldn't have been much of a surprise for her!

She had been dying to go to one of those drinking and painting places. So, we decided to go half-sies on a mommy + daughter(s) date to Painting With A Twist.

I thought it was the perfect gift idea because:

A. My mom is an artist. Not profesh, but she can totally draw the hell out of whatever is in her face. She's pretty amazing at drawing, painting, etc. She even painted the "crash" or "breakthrough" signs for our HS football guys to run through for both my HS and my sister's HS while we cheered.

B. Its BYOB. Nough said. Count me in.

C. What better gift to give mom than time to hang out with her daughters? 

D. It looks like fun! Plus, I want to paint some BEAUTIFUL shizz.

There is only one problem...I don't have an artistic bone in my body.

My sister hogged that gene, along with the skinny gene in our family. Thanks a lot, Brit.

Meanwhile, I got the big boobs gene (score!) but that also means the saggy-titty gene accompanies it (boooooooooooooooooooooooo-b) and the fat gene. I definitely got the genes no one pretty much wants.

SO, on the day of this whole painting thing I tried my best not to get nervous.

I know, I know... it's supposed to be fun.

Yada, yada, yada.

But I knew we'd have to take a photo at then end and show our "masterpiece," just like I'd seen many people do on Facebook over 100 times. And let's face it, no matter how much I Da'Vinci-ed my painting, it'd still look like a little girl with pigtails was playing around with paint next to those two.

They may be able to make some beautiful pieces of art, but you give me a paint brush and a wall and I can go to town on that bad boy. ;)

Seriously, though, I can barely do that.

Don't ask me to draw anything.

Don't ask me to paint anything.

Don't ask me to color anything.

Because I pretty much suck at it.

In 4th grade, I was so upset when I had ugly handwriting in school that I'd come home crying because it was so bad. And, I wasn't the gal who could doodle those fancy bubble letters either. I had to get my friend Steph @ Signing Steph to tackle those "doodling" tasks for my paper book covers in 7th grade. Yeah, you remember those. You probably made cute little bubble letters of you and your BF's initials. Except I'd get Steph to do it or some other artistically-inclined person to try, sometimes I'd even make Mom do it.

Needless to say, I was a bit worried about how this painting thing would go down.

Here we are pre-painting sesh. Full of make up and hair is still pretty and in tact.

We got to the place and were the first ones to arrive. And we Britney picked the middle table so we could see the "teacher" the best. Except now, I was going to have people behind me who could sneak a peek at my painting, point, laugh and whisper to each other about how bad that blonde girl is.

Do you see how my mind works!?

Britney picked a painting with peacock feathers because she thought it looked cool. I wanted to do a portrait of the Eiffel Tower, because it had a bunch of line-like "X's" that looked pretty damn easy. But we went with the peacock tree.

We started off with the background which seemed easy enough. Everyone's background looked better than mine, but I think that everyone said that as they painted streaks of blues and greens. We are all so critical of ourselves.

Britney was playing the DD that night, so me and mom could drink away. I had an apple cider "ale" and since I don't drink often, I was already feeling a little tipsy. Maybe it was the drink or my nerves or maybe both... who knows?

I started to get serious, determine mine wouldn't be the laughing stock of the entire classs.

The more serious and stressed I was, the more I needed to drink. Mom opened me up a mini wine bottle and Britney encouraged me to chug it so I'd loosen up.

I don't know if the person who thought of painting and drinking is a genius or an idiot.

I'm gonna say it's probably a mix of both. Having a bunch of people (mainly women) in the room, drinking and painting with nice clothes on isn't probably the best idea. Especially because women are the most competitive creatures on the planet.

Plus if I would have downed a few more, I probably would have been rolling around in the paint on the floor. But thankfully, I stopped after the wine.

By the time we got to the feathers, the drinks were taking it's toll on me. But instead of loosening me up, I started to get sleepy.

I tried to concentrate on the feathers, but they weren't coming out very good. Everything ran together. And I hated the colors they gave us, so I started mixing and making my own.

LET ME JUST ASK THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM...

Whose idea was it to paint peacock feathers on a damn tree?

I mean feathers are just too damn hard. Couldn't we have stuck to cherries or leaves or something? But feathers? Everyone hated the feathers.

Literally I was surrounded by this chatter from my fellow painters:

"My feathers look like fish."
"These feathers are horrible."
"Oh, yours is much better than mine."
"I hate these feathers."
"How did you do the feathers again?"

Meanwhile, I'm really in to the painting. I'm totally zoned out trying to beautify those damn peacock feathers. I was going to make those fish-eyed looking feathers gorgeous.

This is how I thought I was painting and how it really turned out.

By the end of the painting sesh, I was tired and kind of over it. There was no time for me to perfect my artwork, if you can call it that. I finished my final feather and threw my hands in the air. Over it.

As I peeked at others' and their artwork nearby, I was surprised to learn my art skills were more 4th grade level rather than kindergarten. FIST PUMP!

Just glad we didn't have to do a presentation at the end or something because I would have had to explain why my feathers are so damn dramatic.

This was a lot of fun, and I will definitely do another one.

Next time though, no feathers.

How are your art skills?

I hope yours are better than mine.