Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Mommy-Job Struggle

Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't involve a life of eating Bonbons and watching soaps on TV. I wish I could say it was, but it's hard work and there are many days I go a little batshit crazy.
Career or Stay at Home Mom

Don't get me wrong... I love my boy and I'm fortunate to have had the opportunity to stay at home with him in the first few years of his life.

BUT, now I need some time for me. Whether it's working or blogging, I need time alone too. I spend most of my days in the house cleaning, washing clothes and taking care of my baby boy.

Between the tantrums, the laughter and the "mama, mama, mama's" that replay like a broken record, by day's end I'm tired, frustrated and ready for a break and a beer. I never treat myself to one these days... And that's probably what I need: a night to let loose and relax. #girlsnightout

The thing is... I miss Brody when he's gone. I sometimes can't enjoy my time because I'm thinking about him. I mean who wouldn't miss this sweet face?
Mommy or Career

But I am ready for a change. I need to work (snap!) or do something else. It's good for me to exercise this brain of mine because I feel like I'm losing brain cells. With a few of my recent posts ("Locked Out" or "Not So Happy Friday"), I'm sure some of you would probably agree.

I'm desperate for some time AWAY from the house, so I'm on the job hunt.

The thing that stresses me out though is applying to jobs and then thinking about what follows--putting Brody in daycare. I know... Cass, people do it everyday. I get it. I know Brody could definitely use some 2-year-old-peer interaction. But I feel like I'm NEVER going to get a J-O-B. To be honest, I'm probably not going about the job search the right way. Let's just say it's due to....ehhhh multiple things.

Let me back track a bit to explain what life has been like since we came back from Alaska.

After our amazing 17-day-cross-country road trip from Alaska to Texas, we realized how much we want to travel and see the world.

One of our biggest regrets is Klay getting out of the Air Force. I wouldn't necessarily say it's a "regret" but in hindsight we would have tried to hang on another few years. The benefits, especially longterm, don't compare to anything else and we're really trying to look at the big picture, instead of just five years down the road.

So we got serious. We developed a plan, a good plan... or so we thought.

Klay was going to join the Air Force again. Yes, it can be done if the timing is right post-service (meaning you can only be out of Active Duty so many years to be reenlisted). BUT things went south after the government shutdown caused the 'prior service' program to be put on hold last year.

Around the same time, I turned down a job opportunity to go back to Alaska and work permanently. It would have been nice and we were really going to do it, but when it came down to the cost of moving and crunching the numbers, it just wasn't the right time.

Now I'm stuck in a limbo between mommy-life and having a career. And, I'm not sure if I'll ever find a job.

I'm trying to stay positive. I really really am, but it's hard.

I'm normally a positive, giddy gal radiating with confidence, but these days I find myself being more of a Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer, especially when it comes to the job sitch.

I need to figure out something to do. I love to write. I love to blog. I love making things. There are a lot of things I love to do...

I'm just not where I thought I would be (career-wise) in my life.

And I hate admitting that.

I just want to feel like I'm doing something... anything. I've even thought about getting a part-time job somewhere, just be doing something or to get me out of the house a few days a week.

That's why this blog is good for me. I have some dedicated readers out there that are interested in the the chaos that I call 'my life'! And thank you to those who are reading. This is really what I look forward to doing and it makes me happy people are reading.

I'm going to try to focus on the blog and staying consistent for now, which is like a job. It takes a lot of work and time, but I enjoy it. Hopefully you guys do too!

I just stress about everything. And, I mean everything--the house, my kid, our future, my career, the chipped paint on the walls... everything.

In fact, it'd be a lot shorter list to name the things I don't stress about... ... ... ... ... ... wait, is there anything?

I've just been a real basket case lately... I need a vacay ASAP.
Inspiring Quote
Posted by Mama Laughlin's IG

Hopefully, I'll find something soon (keeping my fingers crossed).

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a long, long time. I've debated on posting because I don't like admitting things that make me insecure.

But I saw something Mama Laughlin posted on Instagram today today that encouraged me to talk about the things I know aren't perfect in my life...and lay it all out there. (Mama Laughlin is amazing, hilarious blogger I follow, and you should follow her too.)

So, instead of posting a BS-story that doesn't get down to the biscuits and gravy of my life (I totally just made that up), I figured I'd post how I really feel about the job situation.

It sucks.

I am losing confidence in myself and my ability to do a job.

I know I can, but the jobs I want, I can't seem to get my foot in the door.

I feel discouraged a lot lately, but I AM going to continue to try and push myself to figure out what's right for my future.

Whether it's a job at a company, writing this blog (and hopefully grow my audience), or start my own business... I don't know. Only time will tell.

But something has to change soon--that I know.

Wishing all of you great success in all endeavors that lie ahead of you,