Friday, March 07, 2014

Not So Happy Friday

My life in a nutshell. Dogs and Kids galore!
Sooooooo. I decided to break up these deeply sad and scary stories about Brody with a little recap of my day today. Get pumped, folks. It's a good one. I'm sure I will have you LOLing and wondering where the F my mind went. I'll tell you this, after this kid was born, I definitely lost brain cells.

So here it goes...

Today was an incredibly awesome day.

Cough, cough.

OK, OK I lied.... but since you can't hear me talk through these beautifully-written words on your screen, I have to tell you, that was sarcasm.

This glorious adventure started last night before bed. I noticed my fella with bad breath who always begs and whines at my feet had a swollen eye. To clear things up, I'm talking about one of my hairy wieners (I call them my weens), and by wieners I mean my dogs.

Ya, they're dachshund mixes. Well one of 'em is, the other is up for debate, according to the hubs.

Anyway, back to my weens...
His swollen eye before bed last night.

So Stretch was the one with the swollen eye. Klay and I investigated it, and he passed it off as possibly an insect bite or allergic reaction, but I wasn't convinced. It literally popped up out of no where.

It swelled quickly, probably in an hour or two. I knew it hadn't been swollen all day because this dog is always on me. I mean he is like a parrot and a leach. He's either sitting on your shoulder like a damn bird or slithering over to you to sit on top of you, clinging to your body as if his life depends on it. So, if something were to happen to his face, I'd see it because he's always up in my grill.

After some late night, googling "dog with swollen eye," I found an image that looked just like his eye situation. And BINGO! I knew what it was.

I had my "ah-ha!" moment not just from Google, but also because this dog has some foul breath, yall. He's needed his teeth cleaned for a long time, but we've never gotten around to it. Needless to say we'd guessed some time ago this dog may lose a couple teeth once we got him to the vet to get them cleaned.

The diagnosis: He has an abscess tooth; that's why his eye swelled up like he'd been punched in the face. So, basically he will need the tooth extracted or can get a root canal, if the tooth can be saved.

All up in my grill.
Been there, Stretch. I feel ya, bud. Had a root canal that went awry last year and it was not fun. I suffered from a series of unfortunate events that week. Face swelled up like a balloon, had an emergency oral surgery and Klay was gone for two weeks working. It was an especially unlucky week for me.

Seriously though, there is no pain like dental pain.

So, I scheduled a vet appointment early this A-M for Stretchie Man Jones. Yes, that's what I call him. I'm slightly obsessed with my pooches.

I hopped out of bed, put my war paint on (aka makeup), got dressed, ate a banana, popped Brody's microwavable pancakes in, put them in a bowl, fixed B a cup o' juice for the road, and then searched for the dog collars and leashes which were MIA. Apparently they have an invisible power of some kind because they were no where. Or! Maybe they walked away haha, get it!?I know, I'm lame, but whatevs.

So amidst the search, I realized I was running behind and I needed to get Brody up and dressed or we were going to be late.

Brody's up, dressed and voila! found the leashes in a plastic sack in the garage (they hadn't walked away), and I was on my way out the door with Brody and Stretch on the leash (he was the only one on a leash) locking the door on the way out.

Sounds pretty successful right?

If you're a dedicated reader of my blog, you should know better. Especially if I mention the word LOCK.

As soon as I shut the front door and walked out to my car, a lightbulb went off. KEYS!? 

WTF. Hand to the forehead. 

Seriously, yall, that just happened.

I don't know what it is with blogging and getting locked out of places, but when I blog this tends to happen A LOT. As many of you know, I locked my four-month-old-son in a car in Walmart parking lot almost two years ago. That was the first and only time I locked my keys in a car. Of course it was while my newborn babe was in it. Go freakin' figure.

One thing I didn't report via this blog was the time I locked Brody in the house in his carseat after the Walmart incident. Yep, that happened too.

How, you ask?

Mini-story time:
Um, Klay was away for the weekend working and I'm scaredy cat when it comes to being at home alone, especially with my kid. I play out scenarios in my head as to what I would do to make sure no one takes my kid or my dogs hostage and use them as leverage to get me to cooperate. I'm a complete basket case.

So being the chicken I am, I locked the door going out to the garage before bed, just in case someone smashes into the garage and comes through that door in the house. Well when I left the house with B and the dogs the next day, I went out the front door. When I came home (I was at my mom's for a family day), I unloaded Brody and the dogs entering through the garage forgetting I'd locked it the night before. I unlock the door with my key, go into the house and put B's carseat on the living room floor.

I lay my keys down on the table near my entry to go back out and grab the bags shutting the door so the dogs won't run back out. Then, I come back to the door and it's locked. I must've turned the key one too many times and relocked it while it was opening it, trying to get the key out. Luckily, my sister left mom's after me, and had a spare key. She stopped by and unlocked the house for me. But I was already a wreck, feeling like an idiot for doing this twice in a matter of months. I cried about it for a week.

So, back to today...

Luckily, Klay was down the street working so it only took him 10 minutes to get back home after I called to tell him what happened.

I called the vet office, told them the story (I got an "oh no!") and they told me to come when I could. I think they felt sorry for me.

Klay arrived opening the garage so I could get in. I grabbed my keys and came back outside to a laughing husband.

Hey, at least this time, I had the kid with me instead of on the other side of whatever I locked myself out of. And Brody was happy because being the awesome mom I am I didn't forget to grab the pancakes! That's the most important part of the story. 
Who needs keys!? We got pancakes!
Locked out. Waiting on Dad...

We did make it to the vet, only five minutes late or so. Stretch is scheduled to have the tooth extracted next week. I'll be dreading that day. Let's hope I make it out the door that morning with my kid and the dog in the car with the keys in hand.

All in all, guess who needs a bottle of wine!?!

Well, I hope everyone has a better Friday than mine. I'm officially flipping this day off, kicking my feet up and toasting to a weekend of relaxation. Well that's what I plan, but we'll see how it plays out.