Sunday, July 05, 2015

Getting Wiggy With It + Vlog/Video

Follow my blog with Bloglovin It was hard to lose my hair. Very hard.

I think most people who go through chemo (or maybe more women) wait for the hair to begin to fall out before shaving it. I know some brave folks shave before it falls out and I applaud them for that, because it was something I could not do.

I still had hope buried deep inside that I might just be that one person who actually keeps their hair. My other fear was if I shaved it before it started to fall out it was going to make all of this cancer  stuff more of a reality. The truth was going to slap me and my family in the face. This is really happening; I really have cancer.

There would be no denying it when my bald head became exposed to the world.

I remember waking up the morning it started falling out and finding long strands on my pillow and freaking out. I thought it would take longer for my hair to fall out; it seemed like I had just started my first round of chemo.

I immediately called my sister.

"Britney, my hair is falling out. It's so bad," I cried. 

"Can you brush it to see how bad it is?" she asked.

I obliged and then looked that the hair-filled brush and started crying uncontrollably. 

"It's all coming out...there's so much, there's so much," I sobbed while I texted her a photo.

"I'm on my way," she said. 

This was something I couldn't handle well with anyone else besides my sister. I was still in the hospital so she had to come to me. I think because she has hair and is a woman she totally can empathize with losing my hair. She'd know what to do.

Once she finally got there, she looked at it and said, "I think we should cut it short first to make it easier for you to lose it. And if it continues to fall out this bad tomorrow, then we will shave it, but that way we aren't jumping to extremes.

So we did. We called a nearby hairdresser friend and we cut my hair short. Cameo, the hairdresser-friend, found bald spots on my head that I didn't even know I had, but she covered them up easily with the rest of the hair I had left.

We had a little photo session that night because we knew this was going to be the last time in long time that I'd have hair.

The next day I woke up and strands of now shorter blond hair were covering my clothes. It was raining hair and it was getting annoying. I knew that even though my short 'do' was "short-lived" I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to shave it all off.

But what would Brody say? What would he think? I knew it was very important for him to be there to watch Klay shave my head. Chad, my bro-in-law, shaved Klay's first and then Klay shaved mine.

It was an emotional experience. I tried not to cry. And I didn't. I don't think. I tried to be strong, because if I burst into tears, everyone else would.

Fortunately, it was winter so I had a lot of good hat options to keep my head covered until I was ready to let the world see what I really look like and going through.

It took me a while to want to just go anywhere bald and not care. For a while, I didn't even like the nurses to see. And they're oncology nurses so they are used to having bald patients.

I'll never forget when I walked in my first store with no hat on. I was shopping with my friend Lauren, and it had gotten a little warm for March so I took the hat off. It was too hot to be wearing a winter hat and I just kept it off... And to my surprise it was freeing for me and I was proud of myself.

Of course I get strange looks and stares and hear children whisper, "what's wrong with her? why doesn't she have hair?" And I just ignore them.

I don't look much at people when I'm shopping anymore cause I don't care what they are wearing or how they are dressed so I focus on the shopping part. And I get to ignore the stares that way.

But with the warmer Texas weather, and a few important events to attend in the future, I needed to purchase a wig.

So a couple of great friends, who are more like family, went for a brunch date, popsicle stop and wig shopping with this wig virgin.

It's a weird thing seeing hair on your head again after having no hair for seven months. I'm used to this version of me now--the no hair, no makeup Cass. I don't know if I want to fake it and wear a wig so I don't stand out. But I wanted to at least try some on. Plus I know my hair is going to through some of those funky stages (grow in funny or have bald spots) where I'll have to wear a hat or something to not look completely ridiculous.

So we started trying on wigs...

I honestly didn't know how I was going to feel about the wig-thing. I didn't know if I'd love them or hate them. I thought for sure I'd have fun trying some on and I did. But I didn't think there would be emotions involved. Not just for me but for those who came with me. But there were. I'm just glad I had some wonderful ladies there to support me and make the experience fun!

I know that's a good still-frame in the video below. #dontbejelly

Watch the video and then read the rest...

Klay does look good in that wig though! He looks like Sunshine from "Remember the Titans" lol. What a stud.

And that brown wig I got for free from a cancer resource center. Pretty cool!

Anyway, you guys remind me to keep my head up and keep moving forward. All of your comments, kind words, and just you letting me know that "you're thinking of me" really means a lot!

Thanks for all the support! Love y'all!

And sorry about the ugly-cry face. At least I'm not as bad as Kim K... just saying.