Monday, August 17, 2015

I Just May Have Finally Lost It





Yes I just said that.
No, it's not pleasant imagery.
But you month of July, yes you, can now sucketh it. (And if you can't tell I miss Game of Thrones because I am Queen of the North moo-hoo-ah-ah-ah).

So WHY am I so harsh on July?
Because it's been nothing but a Bethe (that's pronounced "betch" like the one Ronda Rousey put out in like 36 seconds). So I'm gonna put this Bethe July down and outta my mind because it was just plain awful.

Oh by the way everyone, what up what up what uuuuuupp??

Sorry with all of the naughty language and imagery, but that's why you haven't heard of me in nearly a month--because July might have caused my first gray hair. And, yes, I do have some hair now--and a receding hairline (LIKE WTF!?!)... But we will talk about that later.

I guess you guys are lucky because I'm sitting in bed and I'm in that crazy ass mood where I write like it's nobody's biz-NUSS but mine. See that doesn't make sense but I don't care cause I'm making crazy EFFIN' faces at the computer as I type like I'm talking to the computer because this is a run-on sentence that I just don't want to end to be absolutely ridiculous and so I can continue to make faces like I'm a crazy person.

#ImightsoundlikeIamcrazybutIamjustbeingexpressive #art

I know what you're thinking. That bitch really lost it this time.

I don't know what got into me. It was like I don't feel like writing and I got up and got a drink of water and then it was like Bam! Crazy faces at the computer as I type. #inspiration #ifKlaywalksinhemightsendmetothehospital

OK before I continue, I will tell you some wise, wise words I read on a shirt I saw on Facebook earlier. No I didn't even see this shirt in person, but LORD I need it. #someonebuyitplease

Shit has really sucked lately, hence all of this nonsense cussing/derogatory terms, so if this bothers you then "Buckle up Buttercup, you just flipped my bitch switch." <--- That's what the shirt said. #whycantIeverthinkofsomethingsoclever

Anyway, I thought the shirt was funny.

Well truth is, I don't have a brain any more so that's probably why I'm a little "off". I know what you're thinking "Well, Cass you never had a brain. You were blonde, remember?" (I heard that in one in my head as I typed as one of those mocking voices people do to make fun of each other).

Well hardy, har har.

I did have a brain before (I graduated 6th in my class--and no, there weren't only 7 people in my class or 8 or 9 or 10 so HA!). I was actually book smart. But now, I can barely get out a sentence or remember what I wanted to say, it's got me talking just a lil teeny tiny microscopic bit less. But that's a lot when it comes to Chatty Cathy over here.

So I'm going through some ch ch ch changes.

And that's true in more way than one.

I'm 'kind of' going through a little bit of menopause right now already at the ripe age of 27 because of the sweet, sweet chemo I got pre-stem cell transplant. Chemo, oh how I love thee. #letmespellitoutforyathatwassarcasm

Ok, maybe I liked chemo a little bit cause it killed all of the in my body stuff that was trying to kill me, so I could have someone else's cells put in my body and hopefully be "healthy." I mean it did give me really soft and perky hair like a little baby chick. #Icouldwinthesoftesthairaward

So yeah apparently that's a thing--menopause in my life already. And we all know that can cause things like mood swings, dried up va-jay-jays, hot flashes and irritability, amongst many other things. Ahhh I'm living the life. My husband is so lucky to have me.

Something else that happened in July--Klay was gone for over two weeks.

And no, the menopause thing didn't send him packing, if that's what you were thinking...

He had to go to California for work/training stuff. He's in the USAF Reserves so he had to do some two-week training thing up there and worked the ENTIRE time, including weekends, and never left the base (poor guy).

Then he got back the day before our 8th wedding anniversary (which was on a Monday the 27th, so he had to go back to his normal job/work) only to work another 5 days and then to go back to his normal Reserve schedule his first weekend home in Ft. Worth.

So this is his first weekend off since 1998, I mean like July 11th-ish., which means I have not been to the damn grocery store in nearly four weeks because of several varying reasons and yes, I'm starving and no I haven't felt so great.

And yes, I'm about to list all of the thing that happened this past month, just so you know how much I really hate July.

So put on your big girl/boy pants and just read it. I'll even make it bullet points so you won't ask "when is this girl gonna stop typing?" to shorten it up for you...

  • Menopause at 27 #funtimes
  • Receding Hair Line -- LIKE OUTTA NO WHERE. I'm just glad I don't have dark hair, but it is super soft.
  • Klay's gone for like three weeks. Um, yeah. A lot of chaos scheduling people to take me to the doctor, scheduling new doctor appointments and trying to schedule people to help me to take care of the kids. 
    • Sub-bullet: Because he was gone I got up with Bex every night, so I was super sleepless for the most part and weak from the no eating thing.
    • I had no food and not much of an appetite so I lost weight. #score
      • SUB-sub-bullet: Because I lost weight, I'm now thinking my breasts go every which way but north. I already kind of had that problem, but it's intensified. #fail
  • We didn't get to celebrate our anniversary because this is Klay's first weekend free and everyone we know is either at the lake, vacationing, swimming, going to the Circus, Zoo etc, etc. I can't do any of those things cause those can all lead to infections for me so, yay with the summer fun! #notreallybecausesummersucks #especiallyinTexas
  • My G-Ma was in the hospital. It was nothing serious and she's fine. But I was a hot mess because of it.
  • I had a scheduled day to get my trifusion taken out (the thing in my chest with three tubes that hang out of my chest like I'm growing extra tiny limbs), only to have it canceled. But it did get pulled out last week on a whim because it wasn't working properly. #yes! But I was drugless. #whatashame
    • The reason my trifusion removal was canceled was because I broke out in a rash for two weeks (thanks to some oral chemo pills I was on--just for maintenance--we're trying to keep this sexy ass body healthy HA!) that was all over my face, head, chest, and... well... yeah let's just move on to the next bullet.
  • Not-So-Fun Fact: When you have really harsh chemo and a stem cell transplant your body grows new everything. New hair (ahem--everywhere-ahem), new skin, new taste buds and oddly enough new nails. Oh what you don't think that's weird? Well by growing these "new nails," my old nails are sitting on top of my of my new nails making it so I can't cut them, and it looks like I have two nails. It's really weird and they get caught on clothes and things because I can't cut them because it will tear into that pink part of the nail, which would hurt like a Bethe. So I haven't done much laundry cause I'm knicking all of my clothes. #ohIhaveplentyofexcusesfornotdoinglaundry
  • I can't drive. WHY? Cause I can't see. SO getting on the computer is kind of a pain cause I just get a headache... (part of the reason for my lack of online activity). When I drove a few weeks back, I really couldn't see the signs that well. It was pretty scary. I thought I might have to get someone to drive me home or pick me up or something. But I made it home myself. Now I just need to make an eye doc appointment. #blurryvision Thanks, chemo.
  • I have had another breathing treatment and boy did that BLOW. Hahahaha you get it? It really did though. It was terrible. It tasted so bad I thought I was gonna hurl and this is coming from a girl who... yeah I'm going to stop that sentence and just keep you guessing... And then it had this crazy effect on me where I was super jittery for the rest of the day and I was shaking and nauseated and it was just a crappy rest of the day. #breathingtreatmentsblowbigtoes
  • I had to make some other doctor appointments to see other experts about my body and all of the things all of this cancer treatment stuff does to you. SO now, I'm booking MORE doctor appointments with different doctors and I still have to go to the oncologist every week. 
  • It's effin' hot out here in this Texas July weather and it's only progressively gotten worst since August hit. I go outside for five seconds and I feel like I'm going to fry. Not only because I have super sensitive skin post transplant, but also because it feels like you walked in to a mythological Giant's big schweatty balls. Needless to say it's hot... And now have to start wearing hats cause my scalp burns if I'm in the sun for more than a minute. #myheadfeelslikefire

So this list could really be a list for "27 Ways to Get Your Husband to Find You Unattractive." 

I mean the menopause, the weight-loss, the receding hairline, the blurry vision, the having-to-rely-on- you-for-everything wife, who can't get a tan and might melt if you take her outside...

I mean we seriously need to do a slow clap for Klay here.

Poor guy... that "sickness and in health" thing really did him in.

HA, I'm kidding.
Sorry about that babe. Stop rolling your eyes!

But really though.

I'm already a dried up, pale, can't-see-for-shit ole lady, who can't go anywhere (literally) and whose  only action this past month was with a breathing machine.

Another joke...

But seriously July did suck.

I'm just glad my husband is back so he can make me laugh at all the shitty things we have to go through right now--and so he can cook me dinner.

Lucky to be in love with the guy above,

PS. Finally got a day away. More on that later...