Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Bad Blogger

OK. I know what you're thinking.

Where the hell have you been? 

My theme song for my life should be "Bad" by Michael Jackson because I have been bad. I'm BAD. You know it. I've been a very, very bad blogger.

There is literally so much stuff going on in my life right now and about a ca-trillion things that are making me worry, upset and stress the F out.

From the do-it-yourself-kitchen-table project that's been sitting the garage for over a month and the now empty, torn up space that displays the studs and insulation in my bathroom wall where my bathtub used to be (and due to a crack needs to be replaced) to the jobless life I still have and depression over my weight gain, I'm a complete, full on, you-should-feel-sorry-for-my-husband basket case.

And so I apologize for my lack of posts lately. I've felt uninspired and really freaking negative right now.

I know worrying about things literally gets me no where and sitting on my ass and not exercising will keep me fat, but I honestly am lacking motivation in all of life's little departments (health, losing weight, job searching, finding ways to make money, etc).

This house is becoming more like a prison from which I cannot escape.

I love being Brody's mom and Klay's wife. And I AM thankful for those guys daily.

I'm just not challenged or mentally stimulated in life like I want to be. Since it seems virtually impossible to land an interview for a job, I've contemplated on starting my own business venture. Maybe an online clothes boutique? Those seem to be doing pretty well and I think it'd be pretty fun. But I don't know. Of course what stops that idea in its tracks is the fact that I could completely, utterly and epically fail.

And that's sad. I used to be daring and willing to challenge myself and if it didn't work out then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But now I'm so blinded by the idea of failure that I'm really pretty much not willing to try out anything. I just wonder where my boldness went.

I always thought I'd have this grand career and I'd be juggling a career with a corner office with being a mommy, but the first thing seems to not be in my future any time soon. I know, I'm so negative right now.

I am. I know it. And my inner Negative Nancy is shaking her tail feather at everything I think about or talk about.

And
I
can't
snap
out
of
it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in this world struggling. And I know that's not true by a long shot. I know that I am blessed to live the life I live with ones I share it with.

But I feel like NO one gets what I'm going through.

Just when I thought I was so excited about blogging, I lose my drive to do it. And, I've been pretty busy, but last week I could of posted more, I just didn't feel like I had anything incredibly interesting to say. Enter bad blogger status.



And this post doesn't really have a point besides complaining about my life and the career which I don't have. See there goes Negative Nancy again, throwing that shit in my face.

This sucks. Admitting how I feel. I had a huge emotional breakdown today and I was seriously a MESS. And I've also taking that to a physical level too. My hair hasn't felt the heat of a blow dryer in more than a week which means I pretty much look like Albert Einstein on crack.

My life a few years ago seemed to be headed in a great direction and I'm not really sure if my life is heading any direction now.

But hey! On the flipside, I did put on make up today. #WIN

Virtual high-five to a make-upped Cass and the fact that my hair was touched by a straightener today. #smallwinsthatcount

Hope all is grand elsewhere in the blogosphere,