The romance music is playing as he picks you up and swings you around in circles elated by the news. You imagine yourself being the happiest woman on earth.
Well that's how it happened for me. Music played, Klay swung me around in circles, and we laughed in excitement about our new bundle of joy.
UM.
PSH.
YEAH RIGHT.
To be honest, it didn't even come close.
And no, before you get any ideas, this isn't a post to announce that I'm currently pregnant. My uterus is empty and I like that way--for now. ;)
Let me take you back to the year 2011.
We had been married for four years and just moved home from Alaska. He had just transitioned from active duty Air Force to the Reserves so we could be closer to home to raise a family one day; "one day" meaning a year or two later.
And, we were living with my parents.
Yes, my parents.
BUT we were searching for a place of our own.
Well, I stopped taking the pill because it was making me have my menstrual for two weeks. #aintnobodygottimeforthat
Seriously my lady problems are going to be the death of me.
SO, I'd planned on going back to the doctor to sort out my birth control options once we got things settled in at my parents' place.
Let's fast forward to the beginning of July.
I started not feeling so great. I felt different than I ever had before. I mean there were a few times I thought I was pregnant in the past, when we lived in Alaska, but I'd get my period and it would be done. #phewthatwasclose
But this time it was very, very different. Everything in my body was screaming that something wasn't off. From my sore boobs and constipation to being late, I just knew I was knocked up.
I told Klay this and he gave me that "Oh, I've heard this before" look and shrugged it off.
I'd reply, "No, I know I'm pregnant, I know it this time. I know it."
Of course I got online to google "menstrual cycle" and checked out the graphics to try to determine if we had sex when I was ovulating. We had, so that only confirmed that I was, at least in my mind.
My parents had gone out of town for the weekend to Oklahoma, so we had the house to ourselves.
So I left early one morning and headed to CVS to buy a pregnancy test. I opted for the Clearblue test that actually says "pregnant or not pregnant." I didn't want some little double lines confusing me when I took the test. #spellitoutforme
I came back, took the test and set it on the counter.
I walked in the kitchen to throw away the CVS bag, and went straight back to the bathroom and I saw the word...
"PREGNANT"
#readitandweep
My heart pounded as I couldn't believe what I'd read.
I walked out of the bathroom in tears with the test in-hand.
Klay looks at me trying to gauge my reaction.
He knew I was taking the test and the first words out of his mouth once he sees my face is:
"You're not?"
Um.
NO.
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.
WHY ELSE WOULD I BE CRYING?
"Really? I'm pregnant," I said.
"Nuh-uh. You're lying," he walked toward me now with some umph in his step.
"Look at it," I handed the test to him.
He grabbed it and stared.
His eyes widened.
He didn't smile or laugh or pick me up and swing me around.
He just stared.
He was clearly as rattled as I was.
The next three words that came out of his mouth weren't exactly the words I thought I would hear when I told my husband I was pregnant.
He uttered three words.
Three little words that weren't as beautiful as the image I had engrained in my head on the way this whole pregnancy announcement would go.
He said:
What the F**K.
Do you have a good pregnancy announcement story? I want to hear it.
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